Saturday, December 27, 2008


Awhile ago I posted a blog about a Renaissance Festival that I did at a nursing home in Harrisburg. To better understand this, you might want to click here and read it.

In any case, my grandfather passed away today. To be clear, he wasn't my biological grandfather. But he married my Nanny 40 years ago, so he's been there since long before I was born. We've known for a few days that this was going to happen, so it's sad...but not out of the blue. The worst part is my grandfather went into the hospital to have surgery six weeks ago...and so she went into an assisted living place until the surgery was over. It was just supposed to be a short visit. And now she'll never be able to go home again. He was the one who took care of her.

I can't understand what that must feel like. My parents have taken her to see him in the hospital over the past few weeks, and she just sat there holding his hand and crying, telling him how she cries herself to sleep every night. Honestly, I think that one of my personality traits that has always been my strongest asset and also my biggest curse is my feeling of empathy. I spend all my time wondering what other people must be thinking or feeling, and while I don't understand a lot of things in life (math, politics, how to work the Blackberry Storm) I really do understand people. It's why I just can't bring myself to say the mean things I sometimes think about people, because then I'd spend the next two weeks imagining how it must have hurt them.

And so now I'm just trying to imagine what it must be be 80 years old, having spent your whole life creating this world for yourself, only to have it ripped out from underneath you in a matter of days. She must be terrified. And it reminds me that especially now that she'll be living somewhere completely new and foreign to her, that I need to visit her more than I do. I need to send her more cards. When I was in the hospital for two months in college, I got a card or package from her literally EVERY day that I was there.

If you still have your grandparents, go spend time with them. I know how freaked out I get about growing older...turning 30 and having the world ahead of me is scary. It doesn't even compare to turning 80 and having know idea what's ahead. But if you love people, tell them. If you miss people, visit them. When it really comes down to it, all we have is each other.


Sunday, December 21, 2008


The Boy and I went to the Baltimore National Aquarium yesterday. I was so excited. I mean seriously friends, it doesn't take much. I was bouncing in the passenger seat of his car on the way there. Literally. I love the aquarium! I love fish, water, all of it. I've been drawn to water ever since I was little, and I'm always happier when I'm near it. I feel like I should get a fish and a fun little tank for my apartment, but I've never had great luck with that. But really, I'm 28 now. One would hope I could keep a small fish or two alive. I digress. As always.

But I had so much fun! We saw many turtles, and dolphins, and sharks, and sting rays. I learned new fun facts that I can spout off at inappropriate times. Like that a 6 foot electric eel can give off up to 800 volts of electricity...enough to stun a man. I know I'd be stunned. I know Buttercup was almost stunned when she jumped out of Vizzini's ship...good thing Fezzik was there to scoop her up. After all, he only dog paddles. Again, I digress. I need to try to stop that!

I don't really have anything prolific to say about the aquarium adventure except that I was so happy we went! And that I want to get a fish. Probably two fish. I'd hate for anyone to be lonely. I'd also like to mention that I am about to explode with excitement about Christmas and New Year's this year. 2008 was kind of a raging bitch, and I'm happy to see her depart. 2009 is shaping up to kick some serious ass.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Dear Winter,

So, we meet again. I rather thought that after the stern talking-to I gave you last year about your arrival that you would be too much of a pussy to come back. But noooo...not you. You just prance into my life without a care in the world, with your bitter wind and cold temperatures and ugly snow. Some people might be fooled by the snow part, but I'm on to you. After a treacherous drive to MD this past weekend, amidst your frigid conditions and accident upon accident, I'm wise to your schemes. However, I'd like to thank my mother for her minute-by-minute weather updates (we should all stop mocking her for her Weather Channel addiction) and The Boy for rescuing me from a K-Mart parking lot and claiming that my paralyzing snow fear was "sweet" and not "completely retarded."

So, Winter, game on. Bring it. I dare you. I don't think you're at all aware that I don't plan to be in your clutches again next year if you dont back the f off this year. And you underestimate how adorable I look in hats. It looks as though you and I are going to be at odds yet again. I plan to write a strongly worded letter to your supervisor about this.

Just TRY to fight me when I'm in West Palm Beach. Just try! You should go back to your home on Whore Island.


Love always,

Thursday, December 4, 2008


I'd like to thank Showtime DVDs for my latest history lesson. I started watching The Tudors about three weeks ago. I was astounded by all of the things that I didn't know about European history, as well as how similar I am to some major historical figures.

Things I didn't know:
1. Since the internet had not yet been invented, people filled their time by having sex. Lots of sex. All the time. With everyone. Everywhere.
2. Kings love to yell. They also love to tell people that they are the king. In case the crown didn't give it away.
3. King Henry VIII had some seriously hot friends. Why didn't I learn about Charles Brandon in my history class? I bet I would have paid attention instead of passing notes.
4. Women clearly don't wear undergarments of any kind. This made #1 significantly easier. Kings, on the other hand, apparently wore boxers.
5. What to do if you're being plowed from behind by Hottie McHotpants and your angry father walks in? Keep plowing, bitch.
6. Even back then, the gays were much more romantic and fabulous than the straights.
7. The Tudors loved foreshadowing. Example: Henry dancing with Anne, says "I love your neck." HA!
8. Anne Boleyn was really good at holding out. However, throw her on a horse, take her into the woods, throw her up against a tree, and her resolve is GONE. Can't say I blame her.
9. Religious people are very, very tricky. They speak many languages, they lie a lot, and they love wearing red. They too enjoy the sex.
10. If you don't like your husband, the best thing to do is to smother him. Then jump on a ship with a way hotter guy.