Tuesday, April 15, 2008


"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."

What do we all think about karma? Do you think it works in a way that if I do three bad things, three bad things will happen to me? Or if I do something really great, something really great will happen to me? I think that's the most common idea of how it works, but I don't think that's necessarily right. I think (and hope) that karma is much more general than that...because honestly, if there was a way for the universe to document and react to each of our actions, nothing else would ever get done. It would take too much time. I think that if someone is generally a good person, then generally good opportunities tend to come their way. Really, good opportunities probably come everyone's way...it's just a matter of who notices them.

Here is my current pickle: I agreed to work tonight, teaching classes, to substitute for someone else. I used to do this on a regular basis, but I was getting so exhausted and so busy that I wasn't reliable and I wasn't enjoying it. So I took some time off...but today I was sitting at work just dreading going to teach. I've been working a lot lately at my regular job (probably averaging about 50 hours/week) this month, and I'm just TIRED. I haven't had a free evening in weeks. And I actually have a lot to get done tonight. And so, perfectly honestly, all I want to do after work is go home, bake cookies, make macaroni and cheese, and pack for Florida.

So I emailed the director there this story which is really a big exaggeration on a smaller story. And I am suddenly overwrought with guilt. Even though I know that it would be better for me to just go home tonight, I can't help feeling incredibly selfish and mean and like the universe is going to punish me for it. I'm feeling compelled to go out and do something really good or nice or something to make up for it.

I really hope the world doesn't work like that. But this is a good reminder for me that while I am busy and stressed with work lately...at least I have a stable job. I have money...I'm healthy...I'm happy. And so I probably could afford to do more things for other people. I don't think anyone is responsible for for saving the world or anything like that. But if you CAN do something for other people, you probably SHOULD. This month, my life is really too busy to be able to do that...but I hope I can remember that when things calm down with work, and when I have more time, that I should take some of that time and give it to someone who needs it a little more than I do.