Sunday, November 23, 2008


"Let's go over the ground rules. Rule number one--no touching of the hair or face. AND THAT'S IT!"
~ Ron Burgandy

So I spent a lovely part of the weekend visiting The Boy. We decided to go on a little cinematic adventure, and take in the movie Role Models. Since the fancy theatre in town had absolutely absurd showing times, we decided to go to a slightly more ghettofied movie theatre in a local mall. As we entered the mall, I noticed a list of rules. I was intrigued. A mall with rules? Genius! I insisted that we stop and review them.

1. No hood wearing
2. No hanging out
3. No one 16 and under allowed without a parent or guardian 21 or older
4. No skateboarding healies or bike riding on mall property
5. No bad language
6. Please keep your cell phones/iPods very low
7. Pants are to be worn around the waist

I don't think I need to explain to anyone who knows me how brutally amused I was by this list. I basically almost peed my pants laughing. I could write a whole separate blog analyzing and mocking these rules...and I might at a later time. No hanging out??? It's a mall! Who enforces these rules? Little nuns with rulers scurrying around and smacking the fingers of perpetrators who might be "hanging out?" And since when do iPods make noise that other people can hear? I digress. I did, however, insist on having my picture taken with the rules.


I also realized that if this little skanky mall can have a list of rules at their entrances, I should probably have my own list of seven important rules for my own house. I can post them on my door, that way people know what they're getting into before they come over. I might even hire a nun to be my bouncer. I've put some thought into this, and here's what I've come up with so far. These are subject to change at my discretion at any time. I also do not feel the need to explain or justify any of these rules.

1. No Payless shoe wearing.
2. No poor grammar or making up your own words. Making up words is only acceptable if the aforementioned words are witty and/or make the majority of the people in the house laugh.
3. Please bring presents. If you do not have a present, please be prepared with a hilarious joke.
4. Shirts, shoes, pants, underpants, and socks are all optional. Deodorant is not.
5. Singing and/or instrument playing is encouraged.
6. No yelling or whip cracking. This is especially important at parties where I might get evicted. Oh...a note on the whip cracking. Whip cracking INDOORS is perfectly acceptable under controlled circumstances.
7. No spending copious amounts of time on the phone and/or text messaging with someone who is not present. This is especially true if said person is a douchebag.



Friday, November 14, 2008


"A philosopher once asked, 'Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we're human?' Pointless, really. 'Do the stars gaze back?' Now THAT'S a question..."

How is it that I'm just NOW hearing about the movie Stardust? I took today off from work, and upon going shopping, going to the gym, and other general frivolity, I decided to watch this movie, which I hadn't really heard of before. I'm not going to lie...Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes, Ian McKellan, Robert DeNiro, Ricky Gervais, funny ghosts who remind me a whole lot of the old guys in The Muppets, unicorns, green fire, magic, stars (and dust, apparently)'s not really a brilliant script, but I am thoroughly entertained. Just needed to throw that out there. I'd also like to say that as much as I love the stars, I'm really glad that I'm not one. If I were to start glowing every time I got happy about something, there would be a serious problem. I bet it would be pretty though!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


"I never change. Except in my affections."
Gwendolen, The Importance of Being Earnest

The wonderful Lauren Rees, Nick Hughes, and ME as Cecily, Chausuble, and Gwen. I love Victorian people in front of televisions.

This weekend, I learned that Oyster Mill Playhouse in Camp Hill is putting up The Importance of Being Earnest, possibly my favorite play ever written. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to play Gwendolen, and it was possibly one of the most amazing productions I'd ever been in. Fantastic cast, amazing director, just an all around wonderful experience. So, when I heard that Oyster Mill was doing it, I threw reason aside and ran up to audition on a whim.

Callbacks were last night, and I wasn't able to attend. I had to work, and honestly the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it might not be my wisest plan to do that show again. I was so lucky to have such a phenomenal time with it the first time around. And I relatively recently had the unfortunate experience of seeing a fairly wretched production of it (a few key elements aside) and all I could remember thinking was, "Dear God, thank you for giving me MY Earnest, and not this stage-dwelling disaster." Not that the entire production completely blew. I was just jaded. Additionally, this theatre is in Harrisburg, and with work, school, and life (you friends, boys, parties, other shows I want to do, murder mysteries, and that great game with the spinny thing in the middle) I'm not 100% sure I could commit the time. In any case, I didn't make it to callbacks.

Around 10:00 p.m. last night, the director called me to offer me the role of Gwendolen...which is exactly what I'd wanted. How did I swing that without even going to callbacks? Was I THAT good? Or was everyone else THAT bad? So now I'm not sure what to do. I seriously don't think I have the time to commit to it...but I love the show. I also don't know anything about Oyster Mill. So I'm torn. I would appreciate advice and/or thoughts on this matter!

And just another quick jaunt down memory's me, Eric (our director) and Lauren backstage before opening night...I get so nostalgic and happy when I think about this show!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Do it, bitches. If you don't want to listen to me, listen to Sarah Silverman. She's much funnier than I am, and also more famous. Although to be honest, I am kind of a local celebrity. I'm very York, Pennsylvania. Awesome.

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.