Friday, August 14, 2009

Confession


I'm a fraud.

As I'm sure you all know (because I assume that your daily well-being hinges on being updated on my happenings), I'm in graduate school right now. I love the program I'm in, and I find myself constantly intellectually stimulated and challenged by my classmates, and I love that. It's swell, and they're honestly really cool people. Earlier this month, I spent two weeks at Goucher College, immersed in an intensive summer writing residency. It was a quirky juxtaposition of terribly draining and wonderfully energizing. It was also two weeks of being surrounded with completely brilliant, inspiring (albeit sometimes exhausting) writers. They love things like music, art, philosophy, big words, theoretical adventures, and asking just one more question at the end of a lecture. In many ways, I identified beautifully with them. In other ways, I did not.

What follows is my confession to my fellow graduate students. Please do not eject me from the program, throw rocks at my car, or smudge my lip gloss.

1. I would much rather read the latest issue of Cosmo than the latest issue of The New Yorker.
You hate me, don't you? But it's true. I am much more interested in giggling over first-time sex bloopers, having my most embarrassing beauty questions answered, or learning more ways to score a 6th consecutive orgasm than reading about Sotomayor's trials, the health-care debate, or a Russian road trip. I'M SORRY. I will be the first to criticize Cosmo's perpetuation of the horrible, mythical female ideology that exists in America. I know it's trash...but I still like to read it.

2. I don't listen to NPR.
Gasp. I don't like it. I've tried. The people have boring voices, and I just can't pay attention to them. I know I'm in the minority, and I'm aware that all self-respecting, liberal, hip people wake up and fall asleep to the sounds of NPR, but I just can't. AB listens to it all morning every weekend. During a lecture at school, one of our professors, Laura, was talking about her love of NPR. Let me explain...this woman is awesome. Laura Wexler is not cool. Cool is Laura Wexler. I digress--she mentioned that her alarm in the morning was set to NPR, so that's what she woke up to. Everyone chucked that "Oh yes, so do I" all-inclusive chuckle. I looked around, certain that I had some kind of heathen mark flashing above me. Stupid NPR.

3. I like listening to Britney Spears.
She's catchy. She's a beautiful disaster. She Did It Again.

4. Harry Potter rules.
He does. The past decade has given us some phenomenal literature. But J.K. Rowling made billions of people care so much about the fate of a fictional little boy that on the day it was released it sold a record-breaking 8.3 million copies. IN ONE DAY. I should know. I was there, with my friends at midnight, costumed in our homemade Harry Potter attire. I will probably read the entire Harry Potter series 10 or more times in my life. I will probably read Angela's Ashes one or two more times...although I love that book. My hypothetical children will be debating the virtue of Severus Snape as they put on their pajamas and settle in for storytime at night.

5. I generally have no idea what I'm doing.
I sometimes try to guess! But the truth is that I just love to write, and I actually feel like I'm pretty good at it (most days.) But as a rule, I'm kind of just bumbling along, trying to meet deadlines and not make a complete literary ass out of myself. Just a girl who sometimes likes to play in bathtubs at parties with her friends.


xoxo

15 comments:

xine said...

Oh! This is totally why we're BFF. Although I do have a few confessions of my own: I do listen to NPR and I will even take it as far as listening to Nancy Grace on XM if I'm driving and in the mood for some torture. I do not like Harry Potter. Actually, I just never even gave the poor guy a chance. I leave my front door open frequently...and by open I mean actually OPEN and not just unlocked. I wish Bloody Marys were a legitimate breakfast food. I should be working. Can you teach me about this 6th consecutive orgasm thing? Thanks! Love you.

Cadence said...

You should open yourself up to Harry! And also, perhaps we should start a daily confessional blog, because now that you mentioned yours, I'm thinking of like 12 more.

Noteve said...

I love you... I love bathtubs... and I love Harry Potter. I do NOT love things that make my brain tired. Although I have absolutely NO idea what NPR is... I've never noticed the lack... I do however notice the lack of a 6th orgasm.

xoxo

Amber said...

this is why i love your face so much.

Anonymous said...

Shunnn! Shunnn the unbeliever!

Oh well, the rest of us Grad-Schoolies are boring and we need someone like you to brighten up the place.

Paule

Cadence said...

You're not boring!!

Joel said...

Eh, we still love you anyway (even if you don't have a sister for some of us).

deathwriter said...

For me, it is People Magazine. In fact, the day my People arrives in the mailbox is a happy day. I know I will have at least 30 minutes of celebrity gossip.

NPR? Not so much. Although I really love Story Corps and This American Life. I fall asleep to the sound of nothing and awake to an annoying, old fashioned alarm.

I have not read Harry Potter. But, I watch Sponge Bob every day.

Cadence said...

Ok, that makes me feel much better. I've never seen Spongebob actually...but you should give Harry a whirl!

Stephen James Tanner said...

loved this entry.

although...I've found a startling comment. Christine alludes to the fact that bloody marys are not legitimate breakfast food.

this concerns and disturbs me.

Cadence said...

Stephen, I think we need to re-evaluate our own personal definitions of "legitimate!"

Tara said...

I hate NPR. If anyone found out, they'd probably chase me out of Manhattan with pitchforks and torches. And I just saw HP 6 in theatres for the second time, and cried AGAIN. Love you!

Davey Boy - On The Road said...

I love Harry Potter... Love, love, love it!! Re-reading the Deathly Hallows right now.... But I love you way more than HP anyday...

Hunter B. Schenck said...

I love this!
NPR is super duper boring!
Harry Potter is absolutely amazing and J.K. Rowling is a super-genius :)I too was waiting for HP & DH at midnight with friends in our homemade Hogwarts uniforms and it was a fabulous party!

Cadence said...

Oh, Hunter, I love you. And you're RIGHT. NPR is just blah blah blah...