Gucci

I love big sunglasses. You know the ones I mean. The REALLY big ones...preferably with a bit of fade-out in the lens. In fact, I love them so much that I recently spent a minor fortune on a pair of Gucci sunglasses that I consider to be one of my most worthwhile investments. That's them, in the picture. Go on...salivate. But I know that big sunglasses come with a certain stigma. Eyes roll, snarky comments are made. That is why I have compiled a small list of my favorite things about big sunglasses.

1. They allow me to judge you anonymously. I can stare at your appalling choice in footwear, make faces at your parenting skills (or definitive lack thereof), show my annoyance at the fact that you absolutely refuse to shower, and you'll never know. For all you know, I'm looking straight ahead, minding my own business. But I'm not. I'm judging you.

2. It makes it evident, if it wasn't already so, that I am stylistically superior. I find that a well-placed pair of expensive sunglasses can make even the most mundane outfit stand out. Yes, my sunglasses make me better than you. In turn, I tip my hat to those wearing cooler sunglasses than mine. And really, why eliminate this social hierarchy? Everyone feels more secure this way.

3. I am able to look completely put together without putting on any makeup. Now, to be honest, I have not mastered the art of wearing my sunglasses indoors...I just feel silly. But while I'm outside, makeupless, I still feel sufficiently done up.

4. It's easy to avoid eye contact. Without being able to see my eyes, I can very easily pretend I didn't see someone walking across the street, and I can continue on my journey without having to pause for an awkward conversation with that same someone I have been avoiding.

5. The eyes are the windows to the soul. My soul sometimes likes its privacy, thanks!