Thursday, February 28, 2008


"If you're teaching a yodeling class, I bet the hardest things to do is to keep the students from yodeling right off. You see, we build to that. " - Jack Handy

In case you were feeling blue, or just wondering in general, I'd like to make a list of things to be happy about. This is just a small list. There are a lot. Feel free to tell me more, and I'll add them to this list. It's very easy to look around and see what sucks, but I think it's a lot more fun to look around you and see what's awesome.

1. One day, many years ago, someone with incredible culinary and creative skill thought to him/herself, "I think I should take this peanut butter and mix it with...hmm. Potatoes? No. Hamburger? No. Wait...I've got it...JELLY! YES! I will mix this peanut butter with jelly and put it on two slices of bread!" And despite the mockery he/she probably faced from his/her contemporaries, he/she did it. And for that, my belly is thankful.

2. Pants. Pants are great. Especially when you find that pair of pants that fits you perfectly. You know the ones I'm talking about...they tickle your toes at just the right spot, they make your ass look like it could be an ass-model for Abercrombie and Fitch. And we all love a cute little skirt, or even a guy in a kilt but I for one am glad that someone decided to make a pair of pants. There are certain parts of me that have no desire to have such close contact with the winter.

3. Acrophobia. I do not refer to a fear of heights. In college, there was this online game with acronyms with which I was obsessed. It was challenging and fun and had they not taken the game down, I probably would have had to be committed to some kind of acronym rehab facility. Anyway, last night, I FOUND that game online! It has a new name...but still! I am so happy! It's full of clever and witty people, and I feel like once I up my game a little bit, I'll totally start winning it again. Although, as a precaution, if you start noticing my absence from important social outings or work or anything, please come and physically remove me from my laptop.

4. Swedish Fish. Gummy bears. Starburst jellybeans. Enough said.

5. Martial arts. I myself do not know any martial arts, but I'm very glad that there are people out there who do. However, if I were to get myself involved in any hand-to-hand scuffle, I'd like to think that my appreciation of the existence of martial arts would at least give me some kind of advantage. Besides, I'm scrappy.

6. Harry Potter. Let's face it. JK Rowling made half of the world care more about a fictional little boy than the politics of their own countries. I would bet that more people know the name of Harry Potter's two best friends (do YOU? You'd better or else I'm not sure why we're friends) than know the name of our current vice president. However, I'm very happy that Harry exists! I got to engage in many highly important discussions about good vs. evil and the moral character of Severus Snape, and it helped me get to know a lot of people better. It's kind of nice to have this one commonality that will excite almost everyone, but is also completely accessible to anyone.

7. Hugs. Don't laugh at me. Once upon a time, someone thought that the best way to show someone they cared would be to lock them into their arms. What a great idea! I would like to come up with something as smart as hugs someday. Who doesn't love to be hugged? They're good when you're happy, they're good when you're sad. They make you feel all cuddly and happy, and for as long as you're caught in the hug, things seem a little bit brighter. Go hug someone. Hugs not drugs.

8. Acid. I don't mean drugs. I mean the kind of acid that the Joker fell into to turn him into the Joker and start one of the epic battles of our time. The reason we should be HAPPY about it is because it reminds us that no matter how bad your day is going, it's nowhere near as bad as falling into a vat of acid and turning into an evil villain.

9. Your mom jokes. They're stupid. They usually don't make sense. They are often offensive and actually very inappropriate if you think about all the stuff that is implied about your poor mother! However, they make me laugh every single time. As long as they're well played, that is.

10. Learning stuff. Learning stuff is good, and if you think about it, you seriously probably do learn at least SOMETHING new every day. That's really quite an accomplishment! If you haven't learned anything new today, did you know that sonrisa means smile in Spanish? If you already knew that, you're out of luck. You'll have to find something new to learn on your own.


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