Tuesday, February 5, 2008


"If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine." Jack Handey

Some things that I learned in elementary school, but just don't buy:

1. "That's going on your permanant record!"
What permanant record? I've never seen it. Am I to assume that my follies and mishaps are still being recorded somewhere? That's what permanant means. IF such a thing ever existed, who was in charge of updating all of these permanant records? And who used them? Maybe that's why I've never been selected to work as a Goodwill Ambassador for the United States. Too much note-passing in grade school. Frankly, I'm afraid I just don't believe it exists. It's a good threat, though.

2. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
My friend Cara says "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me." Todd says "If you only have nice things to say all the time, you're probably boring and I don't want to hang out with you." Both of those things make me laugh way more than the original idea.

3. Colors
Don't get me wrong. I believe in colors. But in science class, they told us that colors are colors because of the way they reflect off of the color spectrum. I disagee. Something is red because it is inherently RED. Not because of its reflection. If that was the case, red would be a different color depending on the lighting. Now, their "explanation" works well to justify why the sky is blue, or why the ocean is blue...but it really doesn't work for man-made objects. I tried to argue this in 5th grade, but no one would listen. I'm pretty sure the scientific community simply doesn't like to admit when it doesn't know something.

4. The ocean vs. space
Some teacher actually had the audacity to tell us that we have explored more of space than we have of our own ocean. Impossible. The last time I checked, space is infinite. The ocean is not. There is a definite known capacity to the ocean. Now, perhaps they were saying that we have explored more mileage in space than we have in the ocean, but that's because the ocean is WAY SMALLER than space! Percentage-wise, we have definitely gotten to more of the ocean than space. You can't explore any percentage of space EVER, because no one knows what 100% actually is. By virtue of the statement, we have definitely explored more of our ocean.

5. Gravity
Again, I totally believe in gravity. Obviously there is something pulling us downward. However, people on the other side of the earth are upside-down. I know that it's all about perpective, and to them they are right-side-up, because the ground is below them, and that's how things should be. But, compared to me, they are upside-down. Their heads are pointing in a different direction than mine. I tried to explain this one to a science teacher once too. I even drew a diagram of the earth. They refused to agree that, from our perspective, those people are upside-down. I even used the word "perspective."

That's all I have to say for right now. Clearly, I should never be a scientist.


Update: Please know that I do not claim to know anything about science. I just like to reflect on things...and never take me seriously! Someone just tried to have an ACTUAL argument with me based on the "color" issue. When someone starts a blog with a quote from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, chances are they understand their own ridiculousness!

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