Thursday, December 4, 2008


I'd like to thank Showtime DVDs for my latest history lesson. I started watching The Tudors about three weeks ago. I was astounded by all of the things that I didn't know about European history, as well as how similar I am to some major historical figures.

Things I didn't know:
1. Since the internet had not yet been invented, people filled their time by having sex. Lots of sex. All the time. With everyone. Everywhere.
2. Kings love to yell. They also love to tell people that they are the king. In case the crown didn't give it away.
3. King Henry VIII had some seriously hot friends. Why didn't I learn about Charles Brandon in my history class? I bet I would have paid attention instead of passing notes.
4. Women clearly don't wear undergarments of any kind. This made #1 significantly easier. Kings, on the other hand, apparently wore boxers.
5. What to do if you're being plowed from behind by Hottie McHotpants and your angry father walks in? Keep plowing, bitch.
6. Even back then, the gays were much more romantic and fabulous than the straights.
7. The Tudors loved foreshadowing. Example: Henry dancing with Anne, says "I love your neck." HA!
8. Anne Boleyn was really good at holding out. However, throw her on a horse, take her into the woods, throw her up against a tree, and her resolve is GONE. Can't say I blame her.
9. Religious people are very, very tricky. They speak many languages, they lie a lot, and they love wearing red. They too enjoy the sex.
10. If you don't like your husband, the best thing to do is to smother him. Then jump on a ship with a way hotter guy.


Andy said...

Why have I not yet seen this show? Damn it.

Cadence said...

Um, yeah. You need to. PRONTO.