Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Every year, around September, my senses awaken. I feel a quickening of my pulse, a tingling in my toes. Suddenly, colors are brighter, flowers bloom more beautifully, and there is music in the air. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. The beginning of candy corn season. One day, just when you'd almost forgotten about this delectable taste bud adventure, you're wandering the aisles of your local grocery store, and there it is. Bags upon bags of orgasmic sugary delight.
Yes. This is a blog about candy corn. If you've got beef with that, then you've got beef with me, and I'll meet you by the bike rack after school with my fists and some brass knuckles.
The problem with the corn? Once Halloween is over, it disappears! No more candy pumpkins. No more yellow and orange happiness. It's like when you're seven, and the day after Christmas finally comes...you look around amidst the boxes and ribbons and new toys...the day you've waited for ALL YEAR has finally come and gone, and you stare blankly at the destruction in your living room, and you just have to ask yourself, "What the fuck?" It's disheartening.
And so I spend the rest of the year in a state of despair. Sure, there are other things to keep my mouth happy...actually, let's not go into that. But it's just not the same.
However, this year, in February, I was at the store picking up some groceries, when I meandered into the horrifically red section, identifying the Valentine's Day candy. I think I could sense it before I saw it--a round tin full of red and pink candy corn. Naturally my first instinct was to grab all that I could carry and rush out of the store. I contained myself. I bought like 2 containers.
So once I realized that other holidays are breaking into the candy corn monopoly, I've obviously spent the past two months trying to find Easter candy corn. Just when I'd given up hope, AB and I were at Giant, and there it was. Bags upon bags of beautiful pastel heaven. I obviously bought it, but I had to give the bag to AB to monitor my candy corn consumption...I'm a little bit like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'd just keep eating more, and I would not look attractive as a giant, triangular piece of sugar. I swear to God, if I could stick a tuxedo and top hat on a piece of candy corn, I'd be tempted to marry it.
I was so excited about my find that I had to start a conversation about it at a party this weekend. I brought some into work. I think I've told everyone I've seen about the Easter candy corn. My co-workers came in this morning to sample it, and we've concluded that it tastes creamier and softer than regular candy corn. We think it's because pink, purple, and yellow are creamier colors.
But now I'm panic-stricken. What holiday could possibly be coming up where they'll make more candy corn?? The Fourth of July? I mean, I'd eat it, but I think red, white, and blue candy corn would just be silly.
I clearly have a problem. Please do not encourage this obsession in any way.