Thursday, April 2, 2009


Ok, you all know the show 7th Heaven, right? You've definitely seen it. Reverend Camden with his bitchwife Annie and their passel of children, pets, and random stragglers who are invited into their home and indoctrinated with important family values and lessons?

I hate this show. I hate every single one of the characters. If it was possible to have negative respect for something, that is the amount of respect I have for the writing, acting, plot lines, and character development. AB and I tried to discuss who we hated the most on that show, but the conversation just lapsed into stunned silence, because it's an impossible question. It would be like trying to count to infinity (although I hear Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.) I asked him if he was forced to blow up one of the Camdens who he would choose, and he just shook his head in befuddlement and said, "Can't...too many." I think though, if I really had to, I could narrow it down to Lucy or Ruthie. I just stare at my television screen and can feel liquid hatred fill my eyes.

None of that is very interesting. We all have television shows that we hate. But the trick is that I can NOT stop watching this show. In fact, I seek it out! When I go home over lunch, I immediately turn to the Hallmark channel (which is just bullshit in and of itself...they make cards, not television shows) and know that I will see a gruesome explosion of hugs, bad acting, and important morals. And I do it. Every single day. And then I drive back to work, singing the theme song and marvelling at the atrocity.

Do you think this is what heroin addicts feel like? And if you were to choose a Camden to throw into a river full of snapping alligators and electric eels, who would you choose?


Joel said...

First off, don't tell me that AB didn't give leeway to Jessica Biel...because...well...she's Jessica Biel.

I choose that one on the very left (don't know names) of that picture. I never use the word 'seethe' much, but with her...anger seethes.

Andy said...

Who hates 7th Heaven? It's about God and stuff. And those wholesome kids... who went off to do scantily clad magazine spreads.
I've been addicted to that show in the past, during the writer's strike. So I get you on this one.

Hartnell19 said...

i so feel your pain. I am addicted to the show, in the fact that as you just feel this hatred toward these characters and how rediculous the whole plot and show is....aghhhhhhhhh

Greg said...

But hey wasn't the 7th Heaven dad awesome on It's Always Sunny? That TOTALLY canceled all of the disgust I had for him. The others still have a lot of work ahead of them.

Cadence said...

The dad was also in a Lifetime movie called The Babysitter's Seduction. Don't ask me why I know that. But he was really creepy and weird, but it was kind of awesome.

Noteve said...

Oh no... I think I saw that lifetime movie... I feel slightly ashamed.

The show doesn't really piss me off as much as vindicate my dream of someday being a fulltime B actress... knowing that there are shitty shows like this out there as well as channels such as Lifetime, Hallmark, and my ever sought after Sci-Fi channel, gives me real hope that some day my dream might finally be realized... most probably in New Zealand.

Also, I'd like to point out... I read your blog.