by Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreaams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Dreams
"Nonsense, now and then, is pleasant."
~Horace
It's definitely possible that dreams are just our mind's way of entertaining us while we sleep. Because honestly, maybe our subconscious gets bored at night. However, I really don't think that's true. I would instead prefer to believe that our dreams are our subconscious' way of cluing is into things that we're too stupid to be aware of while we're awake. I do not, however, believe that dreams predict the future. That's just absurd. You'd need a really talented psychic and at least $9.95/minute for those kinds of shenanigans. So, with that in mind, let me tell you about two dreams I've had recently. I'd like to detour for a minute to tell you that I crack myself up with the fact that I remember my dreams so well. They're also usually really vivid. I find that this makes me more interesting, which is something I always like to be.
DREAM ONE:
This dream was really short. I was sitting in my bedroom, and a little frog jumped out. And I was like, "Hey...why is there a frog in my bed?" So I caught him and held onto him for a little while, and then he hopped away. Then a cat came out and chased him, and I was like, "Hey...why is there a cat in my room?" And then I woke up. And I looked up "frogs" in a dream dictionary, and here is what a frog is supposed to symbolize:
To see frogs leaping in your dream, may indicate your lack of commitment. You have the tendency to jump from one thing to another. Alternatively, it may suggest that you are taking major steps toward some goal
I mean...come ON. Have you MET me lately?
DREAM TWO:
I was walking out of my house to go to work, and a teeny little kitten stopped me and wanted me to adopt it. But I didn't want to adopt it. I did like it though, and I found it to be very cute, so I didn't want it to leave...I just wanted it to keep coming around. So I went and got it a bowl of milk. You know, to entice it to stick around even though I was unwilling to adopt it. Then I tried leaving for work, and the kitten started bitching at me. That's all.
I did not need a dream dictionary to explain this one to me.
I feel that these dreams have more in common than just the appearance of a cat. I'm not even all that into cats. But I also think that while dreams aren't things you should live your life by, it may not be a bad idea to give them some thought. I mean, don't dwell. Don't lose sleep over them (ha!) But think of them as little landmarks on your trip through your days.
~Horace
It's definitely possible that dreams are just our mind's way of entertaining us while we sleep. Because honestly, maybe our subconscious gets bored at night. However, I really don't think that's true. I would instead prefer to believe that our dreams are our subconscious' way of cluing is into things that we're too stupid to be aware of while we're awake. I do not, however, believe that dreams predict the future. That's just absurd. You'd need a really talented psychic and at least $9.95/minute for those kinds of shenanigans. So, with that in mind, let me tell you about two dreams I've had recently. I'd like to detour for a minute to tell you that I crack myself up with the fact that I remember my dreams so well. They're also usually really vivid. I find that this makes me more interesting, which is something I always like to be.
DREAM ONE:
This dream was really short. I was sitting in my bedroom, and a little frog jumped out. And I was like, "Hey...why is there a frog in my bed?" So I caught him and held onto him for a little while, and then he hopped away. Then a cat came out and chased him, and I was like, "Hey...why is there a cat in my room?" And then I woke up. And I looked up "frogs" in a dream dictionary, and here is what a frog is supposed to symbolize:
To see frogs leaping in your dream, may indicate your lack of commitment. You have the tendency to jump from one thing to another. Alternatively, it may suggest that you are taking major steps toward some goal
I mean...come ON. Have you MET me lately?
DREAM TWO:
I was walking out of my house to go to work, and a teeny little kitten stopped me and wanted me to adopt it. But I didn't want to adopt it. I did like it though, and I found it to be very cute, so I didn't want it to leave...I just wanted it to keep coming around. So I went and got it a bowl of milk. You know, to entice it to stick around even though I was unwilling to adopt it. Then I tried leaving for work, and the kitten started bitching at me. That's all.
I did not need a dream dictionary to explain this one to me.
I feel that these dreams have more in common than just the appearance of a cat. I'm not even all that into cats. But I also think that while dreams aren't things you should live your life by, it may not be a bad idea to give them some thought. I mean, don't dwell. Don't lose sleep over them (ha!) But think of them as little landmarks on your trip through your days.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Hair
"Now, isn't this better than sitting at a table? A girl hasn't got but two sides to her at the table."
~Scarlett O'Hara
Things that are likely to happen to you if you get your hair semi-drastically cut:
1. You will be able to run faster. Seriously, I was running 5.4 mph at the gym, and now I'm running 5.7. Not quite fast...but fastER!
2. Hot guitar players from the band you saw out at the bar will fall instantly in love with you.
3. Your creative brain cells will be inspired and electrified. Essay and manuscript ideas will start to throw a dance party in your head.
4. Approximately 7 people will crawl out of absolutely nowhere and ask you out. You should be prepared for this, lest it becomes overwhelming and weird.
5. You will have more energy. Perhaps my lethargy was secretly hidden in the ends of my hair, and now that they're gone, I can stay up later and be way more fun!
6. You may feel inspired to take on other new initiatives, such as hiking or boating. You will also be compelled to travel more.
So, in short, if you are thinking of cutting your hair, I would be an advocate for that. I've been scared to cut mine for a long time, because I'm a pussy when it comes to my hair, but I kind of love it.
(If you missed the secret message encoded in this blog, I'm going to spell it out for you. Don't be afraid of change. Live your life. And then love the life you live. If nothing ever changed, there wouldn't be any butterflies. Also, the world would be a boring f-ing place to live.)
xoxo
~Scarlett O'Hara
Things that are likely to happen to you if you get your hair semi-drastically cut:
1. You will be able to run faster. Seriously, I was running 5.4 mph at the gym, and now I'm running 5.7. Not quite fast...but fastER!
2. Hot guitar players from the band you saw out at the bar will fall instantly in love with you.
3. Your creative brain cells will be inspired and electrified. Essay and manuscript ideas will start to throw a dance party in your head.
4. Approximately 7 people will crawl out of absolutely nowhere and ask you out. You should be prepared for this, lest it becomes overwhelming and weird.
5. You will have more energy. Perhaps my lethargy was secretly hidden in the ends of my hair, and now that they're gone, I can stay up later and be way more fun!
6. You may feel inspired to take on other new initiatives, such as hiking or boating. You will also be compelled to travel more.
So, in short, if you are thinking of cutting your hair, I would be an advocate for that. I've been scared to cut mine for a long time, because I'm a pussy when it comes to my hair, but I kind of love it.
(If you missed the secret message encoded in this blog, I'm going to spell it out for you. Don't be afraid of change. Live your life. And then love the life you live. If nothing ever changed, there wouldn't be any butterflies. Also, the world would be a boring f-ing place to live.)
xoxo
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Dance
No one dances anymore.
Yesterday I spent my afternoon doing a Renaissance Faire at a beautiful nursing home in Harrisburg. It was open to the public as a fund raiser, but at some point througout the day, the residents were brought out onto the sprawling grounds to participate. As we were about to start teaching the Renaissance dances, I asked the gentleman with whom I had been speaking if he wanted to join us.
"No, no. My dancing days are over. My wife passed away two years ago, and we used to dance all the time. We were married for 62 years, so I think I've had my fair share of dances."
He talked to me for awhile about his wife, and how they'd moved into the nursing home when she fell ill, selling their house and belongings to afford it.
It reminded me of an instance a few weeks ago when I went out with some friends to listen to a blues singer. During her set, a couple in their mid-eighties stood up and began to dance. They moved so rhythmically, and were so synchronized, and it was one of the most beautiful things I'd seen in a long time. My friend leaned over and whispered, "How long do you think they've been dancing like that?"
I had tears in my eyes. "Forever," I replied.
I used to be so scared of falling in love and being in a relationship, because I thought it meant that I'd have to sacrifice part of myself, and give up my freedom. And then later I thought it was about waiting for a feeling where your heart would pound in anticipation of seeing that other person again. You know...being swept away. But I honestly think it's a whole lot more simple than that.
It's about being 80 years old, and having someone to dance with.
Yesterday I spent my afternoon doing a Renaissance Faire at a beautiful nursing home in Harrisburg. It was open to the public as a fund raiser, but at some point througout the day, the residents were brought out onto the sprawling grounds to participate. As we were about to start teaching the Renaissance dances, I asked the gentleman with whom I had been speaking if he wanted to join us.
"No, no. My dancing days are over. My wife passed away two years ago, and we used to dance all the time. We were married for 62 years, so I think I've had my fair share of dances."
He talked to me for awhile about his wife, and how they'd moved into the nursing home when she fell ill, selling their house and belongings to afford it.
It reminded me of an instance a few weeks ago when I went out with some friends to listen to a blues singer. During her set, a couple in their mid-eighties stood up and began to dance. They moved so rhythmically, and were so synchronized, and it was one of the most beautiful things I'd seen in a long time. My friend leaned over and whispered, "How long do you think they've been dancing like that?"
I had tears in my eyes. "Forever," I replied.
I used to be so scared of falling in love and being in a relationship, because I thought it meant that I'd have to sacrifice part of myself, and give up my freedom. And then later I thought it was about waiting for a feeling where your heart would pound in anticipation of seeing that other person again. You know...being swept away. But I honestly think it's a whole lot more simple than that.
It's about being 80 years old, and having someone to dance with.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Voice
I think I've lost my voice.
Correction...I'm not completely sure that I ever really had it to begin with.
I don't really know how often I ever say exactly what I'm thinking. I don't know if I'm ever completely honest with anyone. And I don't know if I know how to fix that.
Somehow, without realizing it, I've been trained to make other people happy, to appease other people, and to stifle thoughts and words that might be upsetting to hear. It's to the point that I don't even realize I'm doing it until someone else points it out to me. If I'm telling a story about a conversation I've had, I'll express how I felt to the person, and they'll frequently say, "But did you SAY that out loud, or did you just think it?" And the truth is, I didn't even know I was thinking it at the time. I was just so focused on saying the right thing.
Too many times I find myself dissatisfied with conversations or encounters I've had because I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. The other major complication is that I am something of a social chameleon...which is probably why people are so quickly drawn to me. It's not that I change my morals or beliefs, but I'm exceptionally skilled at knowing what other people want from me. And I do a good job giving it to them. Meanwhile, I fear I might be doing myself a serious injustice. It also leads to me being frustrated with my friends and family for something that isn't their fault. How can they know they're upsetting me when all I do is manipulate my words to make them feel justified?
I'm not sure how to fix this...but I do believe it's probably lurking at the root of the other problems that have been resurfacing for me lately. After a ten-year hibernation, apparently they've decided to wake back up and kick me in the shin. So I'm going to be trying to figure that out. Please don't be offended if I seem more abrasive or less pleasant. I'm just trying to hear my voice.
"My scream got lost in a paper cup.
Do you think there's a heaven where some screams have gone?
I've got twenty-five bucks and cracker, do you think it's enough
To get us there?
Cause what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it?
Hey, but I don't care 'cause sometimes, I said sometimes
I hear my voice, and it's been here.
Silent all these years."
~Tori Amos
Correction...I'm not completely sure that I ever really had it to begin with.
I don't really know how often I ever say exactly what I'm thinking. I don't know if I'm ever completely honest with anyone. And I don't know if I know how to fix that.
Somehow, without realizing it, I've been trained to make other people happy, to appease other people, and to stifle thoughts and words that might be upsetting to hear. It's to the point that I don't even realize I'm doing it until someone else points it out to me. If I'm telling a story about a conversation I've had, I'll express how I felt to the person, and they'll frequently say, "But did you SAY that out loud, or did you just think it?" And the truth is, I didn't even know I was thinking it at the time. I was just so focused on saying the right thing.
Too many times I find myself dissatisfied with conversations or encounters I've had because I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. The other major complication is that I am something of a social chameleon...which is probably why people are so quickly drawn to me. It's not that I change my morals or beliefs, but I'm exceptionally skilled at knowing what other people want from me. And I do a good job giving it to them. Meanwhile, I fear I might be doing myself a serious injustice. It also leads to me being frustrated with my friends and family for something that isn't their fault. How can they know they're upsetting me when all I do is manipulate my words to make them feel justified?
I'm not sure how to fix this...but I do believe it's probably lurking at the root of the other problems that have been resurfacing for me lately. After a ten-year hibernation, apparently they've decided to wake back up and kick me in the shin. So I'm going to be trying to figure that out. Please don't be offended if I seem more abrasive or less pleasant. I'm just trying to hear my voice.
"My scream got lost in a paper cup.
Do you think there's a heaven where some screams have gone?
I've got twenty-five bucks and cracker, do you think it's enough
To get us there?
Cause what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it?
Hey, but I don't care 'cause sometimes, I said sometimes
I hear my voice, and it's been here.
Silent all these years."
~Tori Amos
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Gecko
I would just like to say that I think my life would be much better off if I had a talking gecko. Actually, any gecko would do. Or a Chinese bearded dragon.
I think what I'm saying is that I want a lizard. A lizard would really spice things up.
That is all.
Come ON...how cute is he? I would probably name him Oskar.
xoxo
I think what I'm saying is that I want a lizard. A lizard would really spice things up.
That is all.
Come ON...how cute is he? I would probably name him Oskar.
xoxo
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Retraction
I need to publish a semi retraction. Our rehearsal last night went REALLY smoothly, and everything seemed to work out pretty well. I'm back to thinking that the show might turn out well. We have an audience tonight, so I guess we'll actually find out about that tonight!
If you're someone who reads these, I think it would be a good idea for you to plan on coming to see the show!
xoxo
If you're someone who reads these, I think it would be a good idea for you to plan on coming to see the show!
xoxo
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Angels
Oh no.
The show I'm working on currently, City of Angels, is about to open. We open Thursday, to be exact. We have a preview tomorrow night. Then we have an audience. Last night was the first dress rehearsal with the pit, and we have one more tonight. To any of you who are mathematically challenged, that adds up to a grand total of TWO dress rehearsals. Peculiar. I have two items to address. One is a list of issues that I'm having with this endeavor, and the second is an extraordinarily funny conversation I had with my director. I like to let you all know what you'll be in for. Consider that your trailer for my blog.
Issues:
1. The cast is genuinely very talented as a whole, and it's possible that this fact is going to carry us.
2. However...currently we have the entire cast doing every single set change, which leads to a giant clusterfuck on stage. Actors are not good at doing anything other than acting. Especially large groups of them. We have no stage crew.
3. I'm already super nervous about my song...and since last night was the first night with the pit, I ended up like 2 beats ahead of them for much of it. Oh dear.
4. We had two outside observers watch the show last night, which was actually awesome because they were able to give us fresh insight on a lot of things.
5. Some of that insight has led me to believe that things are going to be changing...one night before we have an audience.
6. I'm working 10 hour days at work right now...so I'm up at 5:45, at work by 7:00, heading straight to Lancaster for the show, and getting home around midnight. I know I must have done this kind of thing before, I just don't remember it being so hard. I was hallucinating from pure exhaustion on my drive home last night.
The conversation with my director (at intermission):
He: You kill me, every single time.
Me: Why, because my song sucked?
He: No, because you're SO FUNNY. You're always thinking...I love people who are witty and can come up with things on the fly, and you always do that.
Me: Oh! It's because I do a lot of improv theatre.
He: You're fucking brilliant. But I'd never want to date you.
Me: What?? Why??
He: Because you'd scare me shitless. You're too smart.
Ha! He also went on to tell me that my song DIDN'T suck, it sounded great, but I needed to calm down and not rush it. I believe him, because he's been very blunt with everyone so far about what they need to fix.
All of that said, I'm actually very excited about the show. I'm freaking out about it possibly not coming together, but I think it will. Like I said, it's a very talented group of people, and I like that.
I am just SO tired.
The show I'm working on currently, City of Angels, is about to open. We open Thursday, to be exact. We have a preview tomorrow night. Then we have an audience. Last night was the first dress rehearsal with the pit, and we have one more tonight. To any of you who are mathematically challenged, that adds up to a grand total of TWO dress rehearsals. Peculiar. I have two items to address. One is a list of issues that I'm having with this endeavor, and the second is an extraordinarily funny conversation I had with my director. I like to let you all know what you'll be in for. Consider that your trailer for my blog.
Issues:
1. The cast is genuinely very talented as a whole, and it's possible that this fact is going to carry us.
2. However...currently we have the entire cast doing every single set change, which leads to a giant clusterfuck on stage. Actors are not good at doing anything other than acting. Especially large groups of them. We have no stage crew.
3. I'm already super nervous about my song...and since last night was the first night with the pit, I ended up like 2 beats ahead of them for much of it. Oh dear.
4. We had two outside observers watch the show last night, which was actually awesome because they were able to give us fresh insight on a lot of things.
5. Some of that insight has led me to believe that things are going to be changing...one night before we have an audience.
6. I'm working 10 hour days at work right now...so I'm up at 5:45, at work by 7:00, heading straight to Lancaster for the show, and getting home around midnight. I know I must have done this kind of thing before, I just don't remember it being so hard. I was hallucinating from pure exhaustion on my drive home last night.
The conversation with my director (at intermission):
He: You kill me, every single time.
Me: Why, because my song sucked?
He: No, because you're SO FUNNY. You're always thinking...I love people who are witty and can come up with things on the fly, and you always do that.
Me: Oh! It's because I do a lot of improv theatre.
He: You're fucking brilliant. But I'd never want to date you.
Me: What?? Why??
He: Because you'd scare me shitless. You're too smart.
Ha! He also went on to tell me that my song DIDN'T suck, it sounded great, but I needed to calm down and not rush it. I believe him, because he's been very blunt with everyone so far about what they need to fix.
All of that said, I'm actually very excited about the show. I'm freaking out about it possibly not coming together, but I think it will. Like I said, it's a very talented group of people, and I like that.
I am just SO tired.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Classic
"I've found that there is always some beauty left--in nature, sunshine, freedom...in yourself. Look at these things, and then you find yourself again. Then you regain your balance."
Anne Frank
I was wandering through my campus library the other day, and decided to check out the "Give a Book/Take a Book" cart. Usually this cart is full of jewels like "Math for the Ages," or even better, "Paradise Love." Harlequin romance novels seem to congregate on this cart.
However, the other day I found "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl." I read that in 8th grade, and remember being very moved. But I decided that it would probably be a good idea to grab it and read it again. So I did.
Whenever I read any book, I become completely immersed in it. I think about it when I'm not reading it. I invariably put myself in the narrator's place. It's almost like a mini obsession with which I grapple for as long as I'm reading. When you're reading the story of a small, spirited Jewish girl who is locked away and eventually ripped away from her family and killed in a concentration camp (sorry if I ruined the ending for you...but by the way...the Titanic sinks, Jesus ends up getting crucified, and Romeo and Juliet both committ suicide. Sorry again!) this makes for very thought-provoking days.
I'm not going to do a book report on Anne Frank. I'm not going to try to minimalize what is possibly the most culturally significant book of the 20th century (and written by a child!) with lots of adjectives and descriptions. What I am going to do is make a list of other classic books that I've read at one point or another that I think I should probably read again. I got so much more out of this book the second time around. Who knows what else is out there to be gotten!
1. Wuthering Heights
2. Sense and Sensibility
3. Beowulf
4. The Canterbury Tales
5. Dante's Inferno
6. Heart of Darkness
7. Great Expectations
8. To Kill a Mockingbird
9. Uncle Tom's Cabin
Any other thoughts??
xoxo
Anne Frank
I was wandering through my campus library the other day, and decided to check out the "Give a Book/Take a Book" cart. Usually this cart is full of jewels like "Math for the Ages," or even better, "Paradise Love." Harlequin romance novels seem to congregate on this cart.
However, the other day I found "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl." I read that in 8th grade, and remember being very moved. But I decided that it would probably be a good idea to grab it and read it again. So I did.
Whenever I read any book, I become completely immersed in it. I think about it when I'm not reading it. I invariably put myself in the narrator's place. It's almost like a mini obsession with which I grapple for as long as I'm reading. When you're reading the story of a small, spirited Jewish girl who is locked away and eventually ripped away from her family and killed in a concentration camp (sorry if I ruined the ending for you...but by the way...the Titanic sinks, Jesus ends up getting crucified, and Romeo and Juliet both committ suicide. Sorry again!) this makes for very thought-provoking days.
I'm not going to do a book report on Anne Frank. I'm not going to try to minimalize what is possibly the most culturally significant book of the 20th century (and written by a child!) with lots of adjectives and descriptions. What I am going to do is make a list of other classic books that I've read at one point or another that I think I should probably read again. I got so much more out of this book the second time around. Who knows what else is out there to be gotten!
1. Wuthering Heights
2. Sense and Sensibility
3. Beowulf
4. The Canterbury Tales
5. Dante's Inferno
6. Heart of Darkness
7. Great Expectations
8. To Kill a Mockingbird
9. Uncle Tom's Cabin
Any other thoughts??
xoxo
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Purpose
"We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already; we have the power to imagine better."
JK Rowling
My co-worker came into work today with a present for me. Any day that starts out with me getting presents is bound to be a good day, regardless of my lackadaisical wake-up process this morning. It's called Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. It's about transcending our ego-based state of consciousness to find personal happiness. I'm not really into self-help books, which is surprising when you consider my constant struggle to better myself. I don't think that's what it is, though...and it actually seems interesting. It's called a "spiritual manifesto." I like manifestos. I also like things that are spiritual (as long as they're not stiflingly religious.)
Also, one of my students just came in and was talking about when she lived in England. She apparently lived in a farmhouse on the vicarage, and had peacocks in her yard. She also happens to be very tall and willowy, and extremely pretty. I think if Jane Austen were around, she'd want to write a book about her. To be clear, I am not a huge Jane Austen fan. I am a moderate fan. Some of her books are SO boring and stupid. Others are rather entertaining.
That's all.
xoxo
JK Rowling
My co-worker came into work today with a present for me. Any day that starts out with me getting presents is bound to be a good day, regardless of my lackadaisical wake-up process this morning. It's called Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. It's about transcending our ego-based state of consciousness to find personal happiness. I'm not really into self-help books, which is surprising when you consider my constant struggle to better myself. I don't think that's what it is, though...and it actually seems interesting. It's called a "spiritual manifesto." I like manifestos. I also like things that are spiritual (as long as they're not stiflingly religious.)
Also, one of my students just came in and was talking about when she lived in England. She apparently lived in a farmhouse on the vicarage, and had peacocks in her yard. She also happens to be very tall and willowy, and extremely pretty. I think if Jane Austen were around, she'd want to write a book about her. To be clear, I am not a huge Jane Austen fan. I am a moderate fan. Some of her books are SO boring and stupid. Others are rather entertaining.
That's all.
xoxo
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Story
I believe we write our own stories. And each time we think we know the end--we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and the peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all. You know, life's funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Vintage
I haven't had a lot to say here lately because I've been pouring my creative energy into the next great American novel. Just wait. I'm already planning what to wear on my book tour. Anyway, I was reading through an old journal...in college, I used to take this book with me everywhere. Anytime someone would say something interesting, or I'd hear a quirky song lyric, or I'd be inspired to write, I'd jot things down in here. I came across an old poem that I wrote.
My disclaimer is that this poem is NOT brilliant art. It's something I wrote when my brain cells were in serious hibernation, and I had passed through the state of Despair and right on into I Don't Care Land. It's nowhere close to being the most clever or beautiful thing I've ever written. Speaking as a critic, it's not great. But the sentiment was a good reminder for me about a road that I travelled once and that I'm not terribly inclined to travel again. It reminded me how empty I once felt...and that was bad. And while it's not good to dwell on the past, I do believe it's good to remember it so that we are not doomed to repeat it.
Awake but dreaming I lie
Lost in visions that no one sees.
Untouchable leads to unhurtable.
Awake but dreaming I cry
But dry tears can save my pride.
Kisses from ghosts don't burn.
Awake but dreaming I fly
Into arms that were never open,
And fall through a smoky embrace.
Awake but dreaming I'm tied
To the monster that I've created.
Terror feeds on a single thought
That awake but dreaming I'll die.
My disclaimer is that this poem is NOT brilliant art. It's something I wrote when my brain cells were in serious hibernation, and I had passed through the state of Despair and right on into I Don't Care Land. It's nowhere close to being the most clever or beautiful thing I've ever written. Speaking as a critic, it's not great. But the sentiment was a good reminder for me about a road that I travelled once and that I'm not terribly inclined to travel again. It reminded me how empty I once felt...and that was bad. And while it's not good to dwell on the past, I do believe it's good to remember it so that we are not doomed to repeat it.
Awake but dreaming I lie
Lost in visions that no one sees.
Untouchable leads to unhurtable.
Awake but dreaming I cry
But dry tears can save my pride.
Kisses from ghosts don't burn.
Awake but dreaming I fly
Into arms that were never open,
And fall through a smoky embrace.
Awake but dreaming I'm tied
To the monster that I've created.
Terror feeds on a single thought
That awake but dreaming I'll die.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Karma
"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."
~Anonymous
What do we all think about karma? Do you think it works in a way that if I do three bad things, three bad things will happen to me? Or if I do something really great, something really great will happen to me? I think that's the most common idea of how it works, but I don't think that's necessarily right. I think (and hope) that karma is much more general than that...because honestly, if there was a way for the universe to document and react to each of our actions, nothing else would ever get done. It would take too much time. I think that if someone is generally a good person, then generally good opportunities tend to come their way. Really, good opportunities probably come everyone's way...it's just a matter of who notices them.
Here is my current pickle: I agreed to work tonight, teaching classes, to substitute for someone else. I used to do this on a regular basis, but I was getting so exhausted and so busy that I wasn't reliable and I wasn't enjoying it. So I took some time off...but today I was sitting at work just dreading going to teach. I've been working a lot lately at my regular job (probably averaging about 50 hours/week) this month, and I'm just TIRED. I haven't had a free evening in weeks. And I actually have a lot to get done tonight. And so, perfectly honestly, all I want to do after work is go home, bake cookies, make macaroni and cheese, and pack for Florida.
So I emailed the director there this story which is really a big exaggeration on a smaller story. And I am suddenly overwrought with guilt. Even though I know that it would be better for me to just go home tonight, I can't help feeling incredibly selfish and mean and like the universe is going to punish me for it. I'm feeling compelled to go out and do something really good or nice or something to make up for it.
I really hope the world doesn't work like that. But this is a good reminder for me that while I am busy and stressed with work lately...at least I have a stable job. I have money...I'm healthy...I'm happy. And so I probably could afford to do more things for other people. I don't think anyone is responsible for for saving the world or anything like that. But if you CAN do something for other people, you probably SHOULD. This month, my life is really too busy to be able to do that...but I hope I can remember that when things calm down with work, and when I have more time, that I should take some of that time and give it to someone who needs it a little more than I do.
~Anonymous
What do we all think about karma? Do you think it works in a way that if I do three bad things, three bad things will happen to me? Or if I do something really great, something really great will happen to me? I think that's the most common idea of how it works, but I don't think that's necessarily right. I think (and hope) that karma is much more general than that...because honestly, if there was a way for the universe to document and react to each of our actions, nothing else would ever get done. It would take too much time. I think that if someone is generally a good person, then generally good opportunities tend to come their way. Really, good opportunities probably come everyone's way...it's just a matter of who notices them.
Here is my current pickle: I agreed to work tonight, teaching classes, to substitute for someone else. I used to do this on a regular basis, but I was getting so exhausted and so busy that I wasn't reliable and I wasn't enjoying it. So I took some time off...but today I was sitting at work just dreading going to teach. I've been working a lot lately at my regular job (probably averaging about 50 hours/week) this month, and I'm just TIRED. I haven't had a free evening in weeks. And I actually have a lot to get done tonight. And so, perfectly honestly, all I want to do after work is go home, bake cookies, make macaroni and cheese, and pack for Florida.
So I emailed the director there this story which is really a big exaggeration on a smaller story. And I am suddenly overwrought with guilt. Even though I know that it would be better for me to just go home tonight, I can't help feeling incredibly selfish and mean and like the universe is going to punish me for it. I'm feeling compelled to go out and do something really good or nice or something to make up for it.
I really hope the world doesn't work like that. But this is a good reminder for me that while I am busy and stressed with work lately...at least I have a stable job. I have money...I'm healthy...I'm happy. And so I probably could afford to do more things for other people. I don't think anyone is responsible for for saving the world or anything like that. But if you CAN do something for other people, you probably SHOULD. This month, my life is really too busy to be able to do that...but I hope I can remember that when things calm down with work, and when I have more time, that I should take some of that time and give it to someone who needs it a little more than I do.
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